Monday, November 24, 2014

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!


I find it odd how we can so easily point out the flaws of others, as though we do not realize our own, bursting from the seams of retail curtains and name brand window treatments. Our secrets..dripping from our pockets, our addictions..dangling like earrings…or vices ..caught up in our zippers. Issues…bold and busy, yet we so often take time away from our defects to laugh…and point out the visible flaws of others. How so? Why? What is the point?

I noticed a young lady at the bus stop. I could tell she had confidence, but couldn’t understand why. She was overweight. Her hair wasn’t perfect, her nails were chipped, and she was missing a button from her blouse…she tried to hide it..like we all do at times.. you use a safety pin on the inside of the shirt. If you’re observant enough..you can easily find the silver of the safety pin running through the loops. My friends and I gave each other “the Look”…you know..the one that says everything with the eyes and nothing with the lips. A few of us giggled and eyed her shoes….they were so ‘last season’. The mere fact that she paired those hideous shoes with a refurbished blouse…her entire outfit was completely laughable!!!! One of my friends swelled her jaws to mimic the girl’s weight. I giggled quietly, so as not to make her aware that we were bullying her; and stripping her to shreds with our eyes and snickering whispers.  I was so tickled with my friends and the outfit! I put my head down to hide my laughing and that’s when I looked at my feet. My shoes…these were my sister’s shoes that she gave me out of pity. She was so tired of seeing me in the same shoes every single day, regardless of the outfit. My sister knew I was having money troubles and rather than charge me for the second hand items, she just gave them to me. My giggles eased up. I kind of tucked my head in my coat- another slice of reality. A lady invited me to church and afterwards, there was a peacoat lying on the back pew. She picked it up and said “here’s your coat..you’re gonna need it for that wind”. The cold draft just wouldn’t let me be honest. It wasn’t mine… In fact, I didn’t even own one at the time. I fell behind on my rent at my apartment and couldn’t even afford a moving van..so I left everything-including my coat.  I accepted the coat..and though it was the perfect fit…it was ill-obtained. My laughing stopped altogether.

My friends, still tickled by the laughter, seemed so ignorant now. How dare I laugh at anyone?! I had just moved back home with my mother, because of a failed relationship.  I had two kids whom I’d never even taken to a waterpark! I’ve never been to a casino or a concert! What was so funny to me!!?? As a matter fact WE ALL WERE STANDING AT THE BUS STOP, we didn’t even have cars!!!!! I sat down on the bench, covered in conviction. Thinking. What was so funny to any of us? The answer is simple: NOTHING. Nothing at all.
*author's note: This is not a personal experience,  nevertheless,  it is something to think about*
Ejspeaks

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

5 HOLIDAY GIFT NIGHTMARES



1.     Name Picking

Name Picking eliminates the overwhelming task of buying everyone a gift..and ultimately gifting fabulously frugal assortments from The Dollar Tree. Because,  truth is, there’s just not enough time and money nor clearance racks to give everyone a holiday sweater. With Name Picking, everyone’s name is placed in a jar, shoe box or your grandmother’s purse -aka bra. From there, everyone draws one name for whom to buy a gift. Here’s where it gets scary. Every family has an 'Aunt Gina'. Aunt Gina is sweet as ice.. and as thoughtful as a marble. Aunt Gina is the Aunt who, while other siblings commit to bring collard greens, dressing and casseroles, will volunteer to bring straws to the Family dinner, And every year she gifts her pick with socks…or lighters…so she most definitely is NOT the person you want to pull your name!


2.   Buying for Royalty

Kids make Christmas Lists, and spouses make it painfully obvious what they like. But what about your mother..who has every painting..every perfume…a closet full of dusty suits and price tags because there isn’t enough time or places to go…to really wear all of those clothes. She has tablets, desktops, ice cream makers, fancy rugs, jewelry, SHE HAS EVERYTHING!! People like this make Christmas shopping such a burden..which is exactly why you get them GAS CARDS!!!!!!! You can deal with the argument as to why you gifted a gas card, after the dressing is served.

3.   Wrong Dates

Have you ever went to wal-mart or Kmart..or any other retail store that was still operating out of the Layaway Spirit, and decided to get one? These methods are great IF you remember the allotted time for such plans. Your layaway has to be picked up by the 13th, but because you don’t get paid until the 15th, you assume that all is still well. Until you arrive in the back to make that last payment and they tell you with a straight face, that your layaway expired two days prior and all of your merchandise has been escorted BACK TO ITS DESIGNATED AREA!! You look so confused..like when you were watching the Aaliyah Bipoic. “How could this be?” you wonder. You even pull out your calendar to show the cashier the dates you voluntarily decided to remember, rather than the correct date on the initial receipt. If that wasn’t enough, you’re only issued %60 of your refund for not making the proper timely payment....which is now being used for your bail money.. since you attacked the manager.

 
4.   BUSTED DOING A REGIFT


We all receive those gifts that aren’t really deemed as gifts..you know like lotion..fingernail file kit..gloves (for which there is no matching scarf or coat), or a set of hangers. The problem is this..we try and RE-GIFT these cheap finds, assuming the victim will never know. But what happens when you give your sister the lilac lotion/bodywash set that she gave you two years ago? Not only did you hide this basket as soon as you received it, but it’s been there so long, you forgot where it came from...Inevitably, you give it right back to the person who gave it to you..AND THEY CALL YOU OUT ON IT! So now, not only do you get busted for re-gifting, 
but now you can't get rid of the God Forbidden Lilac Lotion!! Amen.
 

 
5.   BLACK FRIDAY TRAUMA

I have never made it my business to shop during Black Friday, but there are some people who drink just enough Red Bull to endure such a thing. People kick, they scream, they fight, they shoot. They bring their money to the stores and leave their manners at home…and for the most part, they leave their toothbrushes…as if the sales are just TOO GOOD FOR HYGIENE (the devil. He is sleuth footed being. He is a liar-your brush those choppers and soak those morning soup coolers in paste-TOOTHPASTE). Shopping on Black Friday is arguably the best shopping day of the year. Here’s the problem. You go in for the newest digital camera to gift your sister. You shove an old lady in a wheelchair, trip a child, and even strategically place a bike in the middle of the aisle to delay other shoppers. You get the camera!!! You make it home to wrap it, and you notice a black eye on your face with a few bruises on your forehead. You were so caught up in getting the camera, you didn’t realized that you were injured. You look at the camera..then back at your bruised reflection, and conclude “There is no way in The Dallas Cowboy Stadium that I am giving this to anybody-I EARNED THIS!” So, no camera for your sister.. BUT you did notice a sign on the way home for a Church Give-Away..
mission accomplished!
 
 
 Happy Holidays Guys!!!!

Saturday, November 15, 2014

DO YOU, AND LET OTHERS DO THE SAME


                I think the worst part about pleasing people, is that we actually try to do it.  We actually believe that the most peaceful way to do things is to crop out how we feel, edit what we say, and filter our character.  I, myself, am not one for confrontation (as long as you don’t as my roommate from college). I wish we all could be so tied up with our own affairs, that we have no room to become tangled in the affairs of others. People feel so entitled to their opinions and beliefs that they attack you when your opinions and beliefs are not parallel to their own. I don’t like people to give input on things, for which they have no knowledge. I never see the purpose in doing so… For instance:

Lady who is outta her lane: “You really shouldn’t drink cokes, ya know”

Me: But If I didn’t drink my coke, I would have told you how hideous your hair was. I would have also mentioned that your track was similar to a woman who was in the third trimester of pregnancy-CLEARLY SHOWING! I would have also suggested you give Rent-A-Center your cell number, because they called while you were googling how harmful coke was, and wanted me to let you know if you wanted your furniture back, that you would have to pay the outstanding balance, for which you’ve not paid on in months. So…you see…I really should drink cokes. They provide such a peaceful work atmosphere.

Lady who is outta her lane: insert face of shock & shame, here.

Me: Continues to sip coke.
I used to care about what others thought of me..I struggle with it from time to time, even now. People judge me..they cast me to hell…call me fat…magnify my flaws.. But I had to learn one thing: Many people will critique you, but none of them can create you.  I am… who and what I am.  I make it my business to violently shoot bullets of laughter through a dry and unhappy neighborhood of people who are depressed and weighed down by the realities of life. I couldn’t change who I am, even if I tried. But the fact that people deem it necessary to share their thoughts about me..TO ME..as though I were a contestant on American Idol, while they sit next to Simon Cowell.  As if I requested their input..or even asked “hey, you, yes you>> person who will not get me closer to destiny.. person who doesn’t pay my bills…person who doesn’t pass gas, when I eat refried beans, yes you!! Can you please tell me what you think of me? Tell me what you don’t like.. so I can fix it.. even though it took me years to discover and accept myself.. please tell me how you don’t like my jokes.. or the way I wear my hair.. I need you to not like stuff about me!!!”

I have learned to love everything about me. I have learned to accept constructive criticism. And I have learned to ignore those who try and tell me..HOW TO BE ME!!! I can’t change my love for tomatoes or acoustic soul…I can’t change my sense of humor or my shoe size, and I feel bad for people who are still struggling to change JUST TO please everyone else. Stand firm on who you are and believe in every single aspect of yourself, because no one can beat YOU, being YOU. A few years ago, I would have been crushed by anything that someone said about me….so if you were looking to hurt or change me..you should have done it then.

Changing who I am, because of what someone says to me, is like taking a driver’s course from a pedestrian..its like accepting sex advice from a nun.. or asking for relationship advice from a person who’s not in a relationship. That just doesn't make any sense!
Final Thought: If what you are doing does not cause harm to others, then do you. If what others do, does not harm you, then let them do the same. It’s really that simple.
                                                                
                                                              *finishes coke*

 
 

 

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

A Day I'll Never Forget

It was the moment I knew something was wrong.
 
Have you ever felt a pain in the pit of your stomach? It was the signal..the clue..to let you know that something was about to go wrong. You couldn’t put your finger on it just yet, but your discernment and physical responses were enough to confirm the worst. It was almost an unbearable pain.. my stomach was turning in the sloppiest circles, while my mind was trying to reflect on what had just happened to me. I had been violated once before, but never to this extent. This type of pain..this type of fear..a shaking in my nerves, could only mean one thing.  I sat still trying to calm myself down. Jumping and erupting my physical being never helped in situations like these.  I was so upset. I felt deceived..and even betrayed. The very people I trusted had let me down. You try not to become impulsive and instantly react with anger, but of course, when their is money involved…you just know things won’t turn out well.  
  
I wished this situation could have been avoided. After all, I followed all of the proper steps; I followed all of the rules. It was inevitable-->I was going to have to deal with this situation. There was no way could I just sit there and endure the pain of bodily earthquakes and shattered expectations. I slowly stood up. I took one step at a time, trying to secrete my tears...I headed straight towards the bathroom.
 
The smell to follow told exactly what happened. My nostrils began to sweat from the dreadful smell and I immediately became furious. I was very specific WITH MY ORDER when I plainly stated: “May I please have a #2 with cheese, no onions, no mustard?”  I PAID $7.87 FOR THAT COMBO MEAL!!!! I HATE MUSTARD!!!!
 
              How dare she treat me as though I was a homeless woman in line at the local Soup Kitchen, that should just be grateful that there was any soup left?!For the young lady to just distribute and bless my burger bun with it, speaks volumes of how people will hurt you!  I trusted her and she played on my emotions. And although it was a difficult decision to make, That was the last day I ate at "Sandwich Prince" (names have been altered to protect the innocent).
 
                     I hope and pray you guys never run into the Mustard Mayhem Missionary:))
                         The weekend is almost here guys, make sure you enjoy it!!!!

Sunday, November 9, 2014

THE SINKING relationSHIP

                         I have often wondered why some people stay in sinking relationSHIPS for so long, knowing that it will only take them under waters for which they've never been able to swim. Why does it take so long to realize that pain has arrived, with several of her bags, and no intention of leaving soon? How do you walk away from love?
 
Scientists & Doctors alike, would easily tell you "it's quite simple, place one foot in front of the other and WALK!!!!!!!!!!!!" But it's not your legs that keep you in relationships...its your heart; too bad your heart doesn't have feet, huh?
 
I was involved in a dead relationship that took me forever to even smell my own emotions dying. You never smell death on yourself, especially when you've been dead for so long. I stayed through a lot of pain and hurt.  I stayed out of fear. I was afraid no one would want me. I was afraid to make it on my own. I was afraid to love again. I had endured such emotional and verbal abuse, that the words and hurtful phrases had attached themselves to my skin; also contributing to that smell...that God awful smell. Leaving took a lot of time. Your circumstances can sometimes reshape your thinking. I didn't have a car or a job, so I assumed there was no hope for me (insert crazy face that is literally cursing my younger self out for staying as long as I did-- here)? I was literally IN bondage and OUT of love. Coming from a family of single  & lonely aunts, and mothers, and cousins, you somehow think that you have broken the curse of loneliness, even if you're STILL UNHAPPY. So with a grateful and na├»ve heart, you thank your captor for making you different....even if it is bondage.
I was disrespected- I stayed.
I was controlled- I stayed.
I was hurting-I stayed.
But when I ran out of tears..I ran out of reasons to care...and even ran out of reasons to stay-I left.
 
                 I would be a fool to tell anyone to just leave. I had to endure so much, to the point of becoming numb. I had been there so long, I didn't even know it was still hurting. We have all heard the saying, "even a dog gets tired (pronounce TIED to give it that 'weary effect')". I wasn't on all fours, I didn't have a coat of thick hair, nor did I bark for communication, but that day..I was truly a dog. The breed nor the origin is of relevance, just know that I was done. I have walked away from many things...jobs, friends, clubs, schools,etc..but when I walked away from bondage, though crippled in my stature..it was the best feeling in the world. I had walked away from what my twisted perception had fooled me into thinking was love. I garnered enough courage to leave a comfort zone that had stopped being comfortable years before. And truth is, I 'm glad I did.  After awhile, you realize that you can't change a person..you realize that the good has no space to come in, if the bad has taken your heart's capacity..you realize that, contrary to what you've been told, half a man, IS NOT BETTER than no man at all.  And no man at all, may be the most peaceful place you've been in a long time. And finally, you realize that if you don't get off of this sinking relationSHIP, then by the time the real thing comes along, you won't have anything left to give, because it will have sank...
on the ship.
Tread waters with caution
 
Ejspeaks