Tuesday, December 22, 2015


                I think it’s pretty fair to say that we’ve all been hurt, one way or another. Maybe betrayed in a relationship, or stabbed in the back by a coworker. And because pain has no restrictions, some of us have even been hurt by family and loved ones.

Surely I am not the only one who became so comfortable in my resentment and anger that I deemed it a part of my daily attire.  I have held on to things as though my life depended on it. If you hurt me, I withdraw. No explanation needed, no confrontation required- just an immediate shut down..never to open again, because YOU hurt ME.  I am learning that this type of behavior hurts me more than anyone.  When you remain angry.. or even hurt.. you constantly remind tread through the situation. You are constantly declaring yourself “victim”.  Are you no more than that?  Is your entire being, solely based on what others have done to you? I have met people who tell the same story of hurt and humiliation.. some from over 10 years ago. Why? Why take up valuable mental space and even heart space to ensure that a toxic emotion, correlated with a traumatic event, remain ever present? Is that same space not worth swapping out for a positive?  For love? For light?

There is a major difference between remembering, and never forgetting.

You have to be aware of your true power. True power is not passively dealing with pain, and pretending to be okay. True power is not retaliating (said the woman who keyed her cheating boyfriend’s car.. BUT that was over 10 years ago- the woman I am now, is smart enough to just put sugar in the gas tank-I KID------>>> I FREAKING KID!!). True power is not housing toxicity in your own temple, because of the actions of others. True power is accepting the hurt-whatever it may be..and whomever may have done it. True power is dealing with your pain and your anger, and being wise enough to render an eviction notice, when these same feelings have stayed beyond a visit, and have taken residence in your temple.

No, you shouldn’t ever ‘hurry up and get over it’.  And no, you shouldn’t ever deny to yourself, that someone has wronged you. Take your time. Be honest with yourself, and deal with you real feelings. Don’t let them deal with you.  How long will you say “He cheated on me six years ago.” Or “she lied on me last year”. How long will the actions of others, be the storyline of your life?  Yes they hurt you. But at some point, you must be accountable as well, for your constant self-victimization.

 When it is time, let the situation go, and if need be, let the people go just the same. And understand that some people will never apologize. Some people will never admit their wrongs, but you have to navigate through life, as though they have.   You owe yourself peace, if nothing else. Once you have truly dealt with your feelings, and are determined to move on, then leave those emotions..that situation..and even that person on Memory Lane.  And be careful how often you visit.

                It has been my personal experience.. when I dwell on Memory Lane for too long, I always end up on Remember To be Broken Avenue; and it’s a rough neighborhood.  I could never justify revisiting a place like that..so now, I tend to stay on the safer part of town.

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