Death never makes for a good day. I angrily thought to myself, time, has got to be the most selfish thing God ever created.
She was such a jewel to those she loved, and to lose her was a price far too expensive for one heart to pay. I quietly maintained my composure; it was quite possibly all I had left. I flushed my ego down the toilet and lifted the drain on the tub, that was full of my expectations from family and friends. This was never about me. She quietly slipped away while her mother, saturated in pain and strength, loved on her child as only a mother could. I couldn’t help but notice how the clocks kept ticking. The audacity to keep going while a mother’s entire being has now paused…some would even say, stopped. Employees still had to work. Dinner, still had to be served, and breath was still roaming in the land of the living. Time, too consistent to slow down, too predictable to kneel down and ask were they okay. Time, so selfish, that it kept going…and going. I heard laughter and footsteps, phones ringing…buttons pushed..intercoms active…making muzzled announcements that could do no good to any of them. The children would still need to be in bed by nine, for school was not cancelled; though a Mother’s heartbeat had been postponed. The bills would still need to be paid by the end of the business day, for pain and heartache were not eligible criteria for deferment. Life and time, so caught up in existing for themselves, kept going. Tuesday would still come…the next hour..would still come..the next holiday and even the next year, would still come. Time, so inconsiderate… Time, so self-absorbed…Time, so unaware of the pain and piercing of a Mother’s tears or a sister’s plea, yet too busy moving to even notice.
I wondered, if we knew how long we had..would we hurry up and forgive..hurry up and love…hurry up and live. We are so ignorant in our comfort zones, tediously planning life as though we are in control; Assuming tomorrow has already been shipped and is now on the doorstep awaiting us to open it. Careless and naïve, planning weddings and vacations, never ever..not even for a second…thinking that life and time will plan otherwise.
I wonder would we eat at the table with our families, or would we continue eating individually while simultaneously updating our facebook status. I wonder would we pray and become entangled with our Creator, or would we assume that “He knows our heart” and be content with that. I wonder would we teach our children morals, instead of how to dance the latest urban moves, while we record and upload; secretly hoping it goes viral, so that we can quit the job we hate, because we were so busy living, that we forgot about life, so we never realized what we were good at..only what we looked good doing. I wondered how many friends Time had..because clearly he was on none of our sides. Unbeknownst to us, our days are numbered…what will you do with the remainder of your days?
Thrive in the freedoms of life. The freedom to laugh…to say “hello”..to pray…to forgive….and to love…really really hard. Use this time wisely, for we know that it is borrowed. And though we are unsure of when the loan is due, the guaranteed fact is, it will be due... sooner or later. Never get comfortable with time..or life…I have learned they can be your best friend, and under the right circumstances, will become the worst enemy you have ever had.