Tuesday, November 18, 2014


1.     Name Picking

Name Picking eliminates the overwhelming task of buying everyone a gift..and ultimately gifting fabulously frugal assortments from The Dollar Tree. Because,  truth is, there’s just not enough time and money nor clearance racks to give everyone a holiday sweater. With Name Picking, everyone’s name is placed in a jar, shoe box or your grandmother’s purse -aka bra. From there, everyone draws one name for whom to buy a gift. Here’s where it gets scary. Every family has an 'Aunt Gina'. Aunt Gina is sweet as ice.. and as thoughtful as a marble. Aunt Gina is the Aunt who, while other siblings commit to bring collard greens, dressing and casseroles, will volunteer to bring straws to the Family dinner, And every year she gifts her pick with socks…or lighters…so she most definitely is NOT the person you want to pull your name!

2.   Buying for Royalty

Kids make Christmas Lists, and spouses make it painfully obvious what they like. But what about your mother..who has every painting..every perfume…a closet full of dusty suits and price tags because there isn’t enough time or places to go…to really wear all of those clothes. She has tablets, desktops, ice cream makers, fancy rugs, jewelry, SHE HAS EVERYTHING!! People like this make Christmas shopping such a burden..which is exactly why you get them GAS CARDS!!!!!!! You can deal with the argument as to why you gifted a gas card, after the dressing is served.

3.   Wrong Dates

Have you ever went to wal-mart or Kmart..or any other retail store that was still operating out of the Layaway Spirit, and decided to get one? These methods are great IF you remember the allotted time for such plans. Your layaway has to be picked up by the 13th, but because you don’t get paid until the 15th, you assume that all is still well. Until you arrive in the back to make that last payment and they tell you with a straight face, that your layaway expired two days prior and all of your merchandise has been escorted BACK TO ITS DESIGNATED AREA!! You look so confused..like when you were watching the Aaliyah Bipoic. “How could this be?” you wonder. You even pull out your calendar to show the cashier the dates you voluntarily decided to remember, rather than the correct date on the initial receipt. If that wasn’t enough, you’re only issued %60 of your refund for not making the proper timely payment....which is now being used for your bail money.. since you attacked the manager.


We all receive those gifts that aren’t really deemed as gifts..you know like lotion..fingernail file kit..gloves (for which there is no matching scarf or coat), or a set of hangers. The problem is this..we try and RE-GIFT these cheap finds, assuming the victim will never know. But what happens when you give your sister the lilac lotion/bodywash set that she gave you two years ago? Not only did you hide this basket as soon as you received it, but it’s been there so long, you forgot where it came from...Inevitably, you give it right back to the person who gave it to you..AND THEY CALL YOU OUT ON IT! So now, not only do you get busted for re-gifting, 
but now you can't get rid of the God Forbidden Lilac Lotion!! Amen.


I have never made it my business to shop during Black Friday, but there are some people who drink just enough Red Bull to endure such a thing. People kick, they scream, they fight, they shoot. They bring their money to the stores and leave their manners at home…and for the most part, they leave their toothbrushes…as if the sales are just TOO GOOD FOR HYGIENE (the devil. He is sleuth footed being. He is a liar-your brush those choppers and soak those morning soup coolers in paste-TOOTHPASTE). Shopping on Black Friday is arguably the best shopping day of the year. Here’s the problem. You go in for the newest digital camera to gift your sister. You shove an old lady in a wheelchair, trip a child, and even strategically place a bike in the middle of the aisle to delay other shoppers. You get the camera!!! You make it home to wrap it, and you notice a black eye on your face with a few bruises on your forehead. You were so caught up in getting the camera, you didn’t realized that you were injured. You look at the camera..then back at your bruised reflection, and conclude “There is no way in The Dallas Cowboy Stadium that I am giving this to anybody-I EARNED THIS!” So, no camera for your sister.. BUT you did notice a sign on the way home for a Church Give-Away..
mission accomplished!
 Happy Holidays Guys!!!!

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