DRIVING DOWN MEMORY LANE: IS IT EVEN WORTH THE GAS?

                I think it’s pretty fair to say that we’ve all been hurt, one way or another. Maybe betrayed in a relationship, or stabbed in the back by a coworker. And because pain has no restrictions, some of us have even been hurt by family and loved ones.

Surely I am not the only one who became so comfortable in my resentment and anger that I deemed it a part of my daily attire.  I have held on to things as though my life depended on it. If you hurt me, I withdraw. No explanation needed, no confrontation required- just an immediate shut down..never to open again, because YOU hurt ME.  I am learning that this type of behavior hurts me more than anyone.  When you remain angry.. or even hurt.. you constantly remind tread through the situation. You are constantly declaring yourself “victim”.  Are you no more than that?  Is your entire being, solely based on what others have done to you? I have met people who tell the same story of hurt and humiliation.. some from over 10 years ago. Why? Why take up valuable mental space and even heart space to ensure that a toxic emotion, correlated with a traumatic event, remain ever present? Is that same space not worth swapping out for a positive?  For love? For light?

There is a major difference between remembering, and never forgetting.

You have to be aware of your true power. True power is not passively dealing with pain, and pretending to be okay. True power is not retaliating (said the woman who keyed her cheating boyfriend’s car.. BUT that was over 10 years ago- the woman I am now, is smart enough to just put sugar in the gas tank-I KID------>>> I FREAKING KID!!). True power is not housing toxicity in your own temple, because of the actions of others. True power is accepting the hurt-whatever it may be..and whomever may have done it. True power is dealing with your pain and your anger, and being wise enough to render an eviction notice, when these same feelings have stayed beyond a visit, and have taken residence in your temple.

No, you shouldn’t ever ‘hurry up and get over it’.  And no, you shouldn’t ever deny to yourself, that someone has wronged you. Take your time. Be honest with yourself, and deal with you real feelings. Don’t let them deal with you.  How long will you say “He cheated on me six years ago.” Or “she lied on me last year”. How long will the actions of others, be the storyline of your life?  Yes they hurt you. But at some point, you must be accountable as well, for your constant self-victimization.

 When it is time, let the situation go, and if need be, let the people go just the same. And understand that some people will never apologize. Some people will never admit their wrongs, but you have to navigate through life, as though they have.   You owe yourself peace, if nothing else. Once you have truly dealt with your feelings, and are determined to move on, then leave those emotions..that situation..and even that person on Memory Lane.  And be careful how often you visit.

                It has been my personal experience.. when I dwell on Memory Lane for too long, I always end up on Remember To be Broken Avenue; and it’s a rough neighborhood.  I could never justify revisiting a place like that..so now, I tend to stay on the safer part of town.

WHEN THE GIFT IS TOO BIG FOR THE BOX

            Let’s be logical. When you take the time out to buy a gift for a loved one, you make sure it’s special. You make sure it fits their character…their personality. You’ve studied them, watched them evolve and have figured out the perfect gift to present to them.  You’ve saved money for this extra special gift. You’ve made certain to keep it in appropriate conditions until the time is right.  You’ve kept it away from people who would harm it, or even uncover its existence before the right time.   After all of this preparation, the only thing left to do is present it, in the right sized box.  Of course you always check out the cheaper boxes…after all, the box isn’t as half as important as the gift, right?  All of the cheaper boxes are either too small, or not strong enough to hold this special gift. Up until now, cheaper boxes have always been the “go to” route…everyone in your family uses the cheaper boxes. So you follow the trend, and purchase the cheaper box.

You find contentment in the money you saved, and hurry home to complete the last step of gifting.  You go to that secret place that has hidden your special gift, carefully pull it out, and place it in the traditional, cheap box. The box, though wide enough to hold the bottom surface of this special gift, is not big enough to actually contain it.  This is so odd, considering that every other gift has fit perfectly in the cheaper boxes; your mom’s gifts…your dad’s gifts… every gift, a sure fit. But now..your special gift, cannot rely on the measurements of what sustained gifts from the past.  Your special gift cannot rely on the height nor width of the traditional boxes to protect it or cover it.  No matter how you position this gift, it will not fit. You move it to the left…try for the right…you even opt to lay it down inside the traditional box, but nevertheless, the gift just won’t fit. You notice the special gift laying there..the grooves in the exterior, the polished ends…. in a box that wasn’t even created to hold such a gift. This gift is extravagant..this gift is special, and has now been placed in nothing more than processed paper.

Let’s leave logic. So many of us, hold home dear to our hearts. Home should be sacred…it should be a place where one can be human and imperfect and still receive love. But the truth is, for a lot of people, your gift…your dream.. cannot fit into the traditional circumference of home. And as awkward as it may feel, you can’t keep stuffing your gigantic gift into a cheap traditional box, just because it was sufficient space for everyone else in your family.  Sometimes, your gift is just too big for tradition, and truth be told, a move…a different space…..a different setting… at some point, is going to be necessary if you want to protect your gift.

Unfortunately, home can be the very crime scene, where your gift is murdered. And discouragement and doubt often come from the mouths of family and friends. Analyze your gift and your surroundings….is the atmosphere conducive…is it beneficial to your gift?  Can you grow?  Or have you grown stagnant because the ‘box’ is ill equipped to hold you? Sometimes you gotta leave home, and the guilt that comes with growth won’t kill you. You know for yourself, that you are gifted, just as well as you know …that in order to grow, sometimes you gotta go. You have to bid home, aka the comfort zone, farewell; the very life of your dream is depending on it.

Ejspeaks

 

 

p.s. Just in case you have a hard time understanding the message, check out fellow youtuber, Kevonstage, here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoPIpKwJiVg

BRIDGES OF THE HEART: TO BURN OR SALVAGE?

 

            It is often that people warn you of burning the bridges you may need to cross again. This is all too true, but there are a few things that should be included as well.  Bridges are made to cross over water, but when the water has dried up and the other side of the bridge leads to nowhere, then what?

 

            This is not an “everybody can’t go where you’re going” sermon. This is about honesty and time preservation. The truth is, even though the smoke irritates your skin, and the flames cause your eyes to water, the bridge is better off burning. Did it really lead to anything positive? Better?  Oftentimes, we search for function, in dysfunctional places. We think that because we love with our all, that people will love us, in the same proportion.  We become angry, because we will take shirts off of our backs for the people we love, and they won’t even acknowledge that we are naked.   This is not about how people treat you, but also how you treat other people. It aggravates me to no end, when a man complains about his partner not trusting him. He calls them petty and insecure. But he never mentions how he cheated on her, and in doing so, made her feel that she was not worthy of a faithful man. So many times, we focus on them and overlook the part we play. Some of us throw gasoline, and then hide our hands, as though we had no part in the bridge catching fire. And bridges that have burned are only an indication that we should not go back. If you have cheated on your mate 52 times, you should burn the bridge, as it will correlate with the sensation you feel while urinating. And for you to have cheated that many times, the bridges’ wood, was already dead.

 

            Some of us are stuck in relationships because we would rather stay in a dormant imitation of love than admit to our mother that we need to come back home. So you stay… sleeping in separate rooms, on a dead bridge.  Some of us are stuck in relationships, because we’re related. Pushed with guilt because “blood is thicker than water”, when in reality, NO ONE CLEANS ANYTHING WITH BLOOD, it’s always water.  So we stay, constantly supplying blood to leeches, on a dead bridge.  Some of us are in volatile relationships because our parents were in volatile relationships, and it is the only display of love that we’ve ever seen.  So we stay… bruised faces and swollen eyes, that refuse to see the truth anyway… on a dead bridge.  Some are walking back and forth on the spoiled wood of a bridge called employment. You are not going anywhere, nor are you growing anywhere. You are merely going through the motions, of work. And for some reason you refuse to burn the bridge.

Bridges are meant to be crossed, and most certainly some of them will be used more than once. But if you see the wood has soiled, and the termites have thrown their weight, why do you insist on being connected to a rotting bridge, especially if, even the water has disconnected itself?  The water, with no heart or mind, knows to dry up, where there is no activity..no motion..no growth..no nothing.  So why can’t we?  There are some relationships, for which I keep a fire extinguisher on hand. My marriage is one of them. My relationship with my mother is another. But there are definitely others for which, in the past..I smelled the smoke, and quickly put out the small fire.

             I am realizing more and more, that every relationship, whether family, friends, or co-workers does not have to be salvaged. Not every relationship should be stretched out for so long. Some of us knew after 3 months of dating that he was a notorious alcoholic ..but we stretched it out. Now, ten years later, we can’t understand why our children hate us and we are so miserable. We keep getting jobs that are nowhere near our dream career, and wonder why we hate our co-workers. A lot of us sit in the parking lot for several minutes before we even go in, to work, it’s JUST THAT BAD.

 

              In most situations, it is because we have voluntarily decided to be firemen, when we should have just been a witness to the blaze. So the next time, you smell smoke on the bridge, take a moment to think and be honest with yourself. Don’t just put out the fire, because you don’t want the world to walk passed you and smell smoke. Don’t put it out because you don’t want passersby to see the flames. Or you don’t want the neighbors whispering about the residual soot. Put it out because the bridge is worth it. Put it out because the bridge is steady and stable. And it leads somewhere.  And if it doesn’t, then I advise you to put on Usher’s Confession Cd, and take notes. Let it burn.

 

5 REASONS WHY I'M LEAVING EARTH AND MOVING TO NEPTUNE

 

1.       Dylan Roof. To say that I’m upset about 9 black people being murdered during a prayer service, would indeed be an understatement. But to add piss to the wound, it seems that White Supremacy America has not only embraced his actions, but cradled him and his family in “their time of suffering, because THEY are victims too (INSERT THE DUMBEST FACE THAT YOU HAVE, HERE______)”. There are not enough blog entries and tweets or facebook posts to truly express my frustrations...I could go on and on about white supremacy and systemic racism, but honestly, I'm tired. I could post memes that depict the blatant differences of when a white person is the criminal vs. when a black person is the criminal, but what good would it do to a generation with no hands? We eat whatever is fed to us..never taking the time to stir up the food, or dissect the mashed potatoes, or lift up the the bun before eating it. We just consume whatever the media feeds us, and we become full…even engorged at times with lopsided journalism baked on a racist pan, in a slavemasters stove, but hey..its supper right? And furthermore, I feel that there should be additional charges filed....for that haircut.

2.       Rachael Dolezal. I’m not even sure what I feel about this woman. I just know that she’s helped the black community way more than I have and there’s a paper trail to prove it.  I do believe however, that she could have done the same good deeds as her own beige, Caucasian self. But she chose her race by whatever was convenient for the situation. OH HOW BLESSED AND MULTIRACIAL SHE IS!!! Black women don’t need replacements, we need mics and ears. People always assume that we are angry. Oh how contrary! We speak loudly because no one hardly pays attention when we whisper respectfully.  But on a lighter note, anyone who can sit for 4-10 hours just to get box braids on bone straight hair……….well let’s just say that, along with volunteer hours and advocacy and time, she also sacrificed those edges.  Chile.

3.       Brucelin Jenner, AKA Mutha Caitlyn. I still can’t understand why this made the news. And yes, I’m slightly jealous and biased, being that Caitlyn has boobs, but not a menstrual!!!  And the confusion of honoring Bruce for spending thousands of dollars (whether sponsored or not) to surgically remove one of God’s greatest gifts, and then badgering Rachael for going the cheaper route and spending $30 on a synthetic kinky wig and $11 on some bronzer just puzzles me. DEEPLY.  Either way, what someone does with their body should be a private matter.  And if I’m not mistaking…I don’t remember Star Jones getting the cover of Essence after those staples. J Not only that, there were so many more stories that should have been publicized! Did you know that the Hot N Spicy McChicken Sandwich is NOT sold at every McDonalds!? Clearly the media doesn’t report REAL NEWS!

4.       SOCIAL MEDIA. The fact that the world is practically crumbling with racism, hatred, twisted religions and horrible contouring, AND WE CAN STILL share fight videos, crack head videos, kiddie twerk videos and awful emotional posts decorated with erroneous grammar and hashtags is depressing.  I take long breaks away from social media. The consumption with everyone’s thoughts can be quite overwhelming….All of the subliminal posts, racially charged ignorance,  stereotypical comedy and even cracked windows to infidelity are just too much. I often think of all that Martin Luther King and so many others achieved WITHOUT social media…le sigh. I wish we did more living and less scrolling.

5.       CITIZENSHIP. Neptune, a place without racism and hatred, because everyone is purple of course. And because there is no wi-fi there, social media and all of the stories that come with it are just not accessible. This is in addition to the gas and groceries being much more cheaper in Neptune than on Earth; like...even cheaper than Rachael Dolezal’s wig. #winning

For Booking Inquiries for Stand-Up, Spoken Word or Motivational Speaking,

contact Bookejspeaks@yahoo.com

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!

I think the worst part about being chosen to reach the masses, whether through the arts or teaching or any other field, is that you find yourself giving to others..to the point that when they are all filled at capacity with swollen bellies, yet to digest all that you have bestowed, you sit there starving. “Who will feed me?” you wonder. “Who will pour into me, now that my vase is dry?” you ask adamantly.  I have found myself in the storms of many people, lending an umbrella, dusting off my rain boots for them, and even scavenging for plastic bags for their hair. Yet when it is my storm approaching with no concern for my preparation, help is scarce. How is it that we can encourage others, but cannot encourage our own selves at times? Even on the physical side, how is it that we will give or loan our last $20, but will not spend that same amount on ourselves? I cannot, for the life of me, understand this type of mindset, nor this type of unconditional ‘turning’ for others.

Always turning for others but being too tired to rotate for ourselves. Is it selfish to ignore the calls of friends, who haven’t gotten their lives together? Or the friend with relationship trouble?  Is it wrong to deny a relative money, when they have the same type of able body that you have?  I think the most frustrating thing about it, is this: Sometimes, people bombard you to the point that there is no room to hurt..no room to feel..no room to experience hardship, because they have created this image of you that is supported, every single time you pray for them, or give them sound advice, or even loan them money. But what about you? After you have given all of these beloved words of encouragement, not even leaving any for you….who will give it back? After you have been an ear for the pettiest to the most offensive situations, who will be an ear to you? And after you have loaned out your last dime, with no money for the simplest item, who will finance just a moment of your struggle?

 

The sad part about all of this, is that likely, no one will come to your rescue when your life is a conceived twin of perfection. And though it couldn’t be more far from the truth, you will never alter the giver inside of you. Teachers who teach students that refuse to learn, still come back and teach…every single day. Parents, with an undeniable love, still raise children, who’ve already given up on themselves. And when people proclaim to pay you back on (insert false date her, because they never pay you back), you still, some way..find a way to still help others.  I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I do know that a car must run on gas (omit electric cars, here). So while you are transporting others and all their baggage, remember to save some gas for yourself. Don't forget to remember you. Keep yourself first sometimes, its not a crime, its actually vital in balance. The principal is quite simple,

Be good to________, and __________ will be good to you.

Insert ‘finances, car, body, marriage, friendship, job, etc, here.

 

*Ejspeaks, is now available for booking!!! Email Bookejspeaks@yahoo.com  or simply leave an inquiry at the top right hand corner*

 

ONE MINUTE OF MOTIVATION

 

                    Here's one minute of motivation.....depending on how fast you can read.

          How many bricks will you lay, building another man’s vision? How long will you set the foundation to someone else’s dream, all while the blueprint to your own dream remains unattended?  Fear would have you to think, you are more successful as a co-star. More prosperous as a Side-Kick, but how long will you ignore the fire that burns within? You have been given gifts and talents to do, the very thing that consumes your mind so much.  How about doing it? There are 24 hours in a day, dedicate one to your own future. One hour to water what has been thirsting for growth, one hour to a childhood dream that has been pulling at your coattail for years. One hour, to a vision that has been blurred by people who refuse to see you for the trailblazer you are. One hour, to the yearning that sits in the pit of your stomach, hungry for fruition and destiny. It is now time to make it your time!

Ejspeaks

disclaimer: Author is not responsible if reader cannot finish reading paragraph in one minute. No time-refunds will be issued.

WHERE IS BIG MAMA?

 

                 A few nights ago, we were having a youth service at our church. The church, as always was full of children…with their rocking ..and shaking …singing ..and dancing. They were in a familiar place. I have experienced the worst type of church hurt, and as a result, my husband and I withdrew from ministry completely; for three years to be exact. As the scars began to heal, and the pain began to fade, I realized that we were robbing our children, of such a vital and free foundation that imprinted upon our very own upbringings. I couldn’t possibly rob them of that. We joined church and the children have loved every minute of it.  They loved it so much, that on this particular night, our four year old, just a pew behind us, was busy talking and laughing as though he were catching up with old friends..as though he were remembering the good old days. My husband, turned quietly, “Shhhhhhh”, with one finger over his lips. Our son obeyed-but only for a moment. As soon as the music started again, his lips were busy and his laughs were bold. He and his friends were too tickled to be quiet. I gave him that stern mother’s look…and a part of him really seemed to want to cooperate, but again…these laughs just kept bursting out into the sanctuary. Just as I was about to move him on the pew with us. An older lady, on the pew behind these tickled children, picked my son up..just enough to scoot him, and she whispered in his ears. Immediately, the entire pew was muted.

                        Initially, I went into “Monster Mommy Mode”. “Who is this woman? And what kind of liquor is she drinking? Nobody messes…no, NOBODY TOUCHES MY CHILDREN!” All of these thoughts were running freely in my head, and I’m positive they showed on my face as well. I had never seen this lady before in my life! Who is she?! I think all mothers have a defense zone with a primary duty to protect our children, and anything that goes against that, well.. obviously creates a MAJOR PROBLEM!

              But I sat still and I wondered, but isn’t that what we all need? A support system? Nurturing hands? Wisdom? I couldn’t confront this woman, and felt awful that she saw the face I made. A few minutes passed. I went to the restroom, and on the way back, she stopped me. “I’m sorry, for making you mad, all I told him was to sit back like a big boy and be verrrryyy quiet”.  Conviction swallowed me whole. I felt AWFUL! The fact that my face…even my behavior, would force an elder to apologize to me, for doing just what elders should do made me cringe.  I told her “With all due respect, I am sorry. I realize that this is what’s wrong with my generation now, we have no respect. We have no fear of the elders.  But we need you and I thank you for being just what you are”. The tears welled up in her eyes, and she gave me a smile that let me know my apology was accepted.

I walked back to my seat so curious. Puzzled, I wondered, where were all the Big Mamas?  There used to be a time, where Big Mamas were everywhere! The grandmothers.. clothed in wisdom, scented like buttermilk and equipped with fly swatters and switches. Where were the Big Mamas that were ready to kill your parents when they found out you hadn’t eaten…or the Big Mamas that would whoop you quick, but would never tell your parents you misbehaved. Where are they? Where are the Big Mamas who kept the children for the summer and never expected anything in return..the Big Mamas who heard random babies crying and could never resist the urge to pull out a piece of peppermint or the penny candy to quiet down “that sweet lil angel”? You could hear her voice from anywhere, once she heard one of her grandbabies cry, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM!!!??”.  And she would quickly let your parents know that she wasn’t impressed with them either. “Hold that baby head up”, “Don’t lay him on his stomach!”, and she would save you from a whooping, every chance she got.  Where is she? With opened arms and opened hearts to every child she would see… the Big Mamas that got angry with the people on tv, for running RIGHT INTO THE KILLER, “Go the other way fool!”. Where are they now? Are they all partying? Back in college? Somewhere trying to get their groove back? Too busy working?  Or have we ruined their legacy by having babies so young? Have we pushed them away because ‘we know it all anyway’? Where are the Big Mamas? Sitting on the porch, waving at every car that drove by…sipping on her sweet tea or even sugar water. She was so content being Big Mama. Where on Earth did she go? Doesn’t she know we need her? Doesn’t she know how valuable she is to our culture? Or children? Our memories? Where is Big Mama?

 

HERE IS A BIG MAMA

HOW TO LEAVE YOUR EX FOR GOOD

Have you ever found yourself going in circles with your Ex?  You break up JUST to make up, and then turn around and make up again. You go through the repetitious trouble of packing ALL of your things, just to UNPACK them two days later. You want to leave, but don’t know how to leave, or more accurately, you don’t know how to stay gone. Here’s what you should do:

 

·         Keep a Record. Basically, become petty. Keep an active log of everything this person has done to you, whether in the past or the present. This would include cheating, abuse, and farting in front of company. Write everything down! Remember when he was late picking you up from work- IN YOUR CAR- write it down! What about the time you checked his phone and saw the peenpic (no need to use imagination, you know exactly what a peenpic is) that he sent to his “Aunt Judy”, which really wasn’t his Aunt Judy, but more like Big Booty Judy from the other side of town. Remember? WRITE IT DOWN! The time he called you fat, or pointed out your stretch marks, the time you found earrings in his back seat, that couldn’t have possibly been yours, because you’re allergic to silver and these weren’t even sterling silver, oh no, these were practically made from foil. WRITE IT DOWN!  Remember the time you caught an std? And by “caught” I mean, he GAVE it to you-WRITE IT DOWN! You are not writing it down to throw in his face, you are writing it down to throw in your own face!  You keep going back, whether for convenience or love. Truth is, if you reflect on your list you’ll realize why you left, and perhaps you’ll realize why you can’t go back. Oh you’re lonely? Horny? Grab the list!

 

·         Get Back To You. Who are you, if you’re not his girlfriend? So many times, we get in relationships, and instantly mesh ourselves with this person. So much so, that we forget our sense of individuality. You stopped eating potatoes, because he doesn’t like potatoes. You stop drinking milk, because when he was younger, his family couldn’t afford milk, only sugar water..so by the time they finally could afford milk, he hated it…too accustomed to the sugar water. So guess what? You now have an absurd amount of dental decay because you too use sugar water INSTEAD OF MILK. You hang out in his circles, you listen to his favorite music; basically becoming a version of him. SO when the relationship is over, you are completely lost. Find yourself, get back to the person you were before this relationship stole you.  Take some time and remember who you were. You are still your own person, make it sure it stays that way.

·         Be Honest. I’m not sure why, but we always try to save face. We never want to admit when a relationship has failed. Either way, be honest, especially with yourself. If you’re in an abusive relationship, be honest about that. Now, that’s not to say you should post it on social media, but you should definitely be honest with your close circle of loved ones. This is beneficial in many ways. Here’s an example: He punches you, and swells your eye. You tell your beloved sister, you both have a verbal fit and you move on…here’s where it gets beneficial. You’ve moved on from the raccoon eye episode and are thinking of going back. Well, when you tell this beloved sister your plans, and she responds with “Sooooo, you still insist on getting these exclusive eye treatments?” or “Hey! When he swells your eye this time, do you think I can hide all my assets in them? The IRS is getting too nosey?”, I’m sure you’ll reconsider your intentions.

 

·         Stop having SEX!!!! Regardless of how enjoyable sex may be, it cannot be the foundation of a relationship.  Having sex with someone YOU KNOW is not good for you, only clouds your judgment and delays the process of moving on. Even if it’s the best you’ve ever had, having sex with him, won’t change anything…except your hair…depending on where the sex takes place. And under no circumstance can penis take the place of respect, income or love, nor can it take the swelling off of an abused rib. STOP HAVING SEX! If you can keep him out of your body, then you can keep him out of your mind. Now, getting him out of your heart may take a little longer, but the first two are definitely vital AND necessary in moving on.

·         RUN!! If all else fails, RUN! Run when you see him. Run when you see his brother at the gas station. Run when you see his sister at the red light (Please be advised that author is not responsible for any vehicular accident or damage, when you run said light). Run when they play “your song” in the club, even if it means you scuff up those JUSTFAB heels, just run! Run to church!! Run to the altar (if your body is made like Big Booty Judy, just walk to the altar…no need to disrupt service)!  JUST RUN!!! Out of sight, out of mind. If you don’t see him, or anything that reminds you of him, then the days will get easier.

 

·         HONORABLE MENTIONS (drastic times, call for drastic measures)

      Sleep with his Uncle> the one with the deformed leg. He’ll never want you again

      Become a NUN. Don’t give NUN, Don’t kiss NUN>> NUN

      Change your phone number

      Change your Facebook name to Catherine McFeezlederry, and then block him!

      Leave town! For some, it’s that serious. Oh, and don’t forget to pack The List!

10 DISADVANTAGES TO SLEEPING WITH A MARRIED MAN, the comical truth

1)    The truth is, although no one makes him feel the way you do, he more than likely will NEVER leave his wife…at least not for you anyway. She knows his secrets, she knows his weaknesses, and most importantly, she knows his social security number.

2)    Although you may feel superior to her, because you wear lingerie for him and she doesn’t..Truth is, if he WERE your husband, there’s a good chance that after catering to the house, the children AND him, lingerie could very well be last on the list. So odds are, if you ever trade places with her, most days, you’ll be wearing granny panties as well.

3)    It’s really not all its hyped up to be. I’m not sure if Scandal or Mary Jane is to blame, but there is nothing fascinating about ducking and dodging a man’s wife, or constantly being referred to as ‘my friend’. And I have yet to realize what is so sexy about discovering your name programmed in his phone as “Frank”.

4)    After you’re done critiquing her..after you’re done judging her…how she doesn’t primp enough..how she doesn’t cook enough…how she doesn’t listen to him….how she just doesn’t understand his needs like you do, Please understand that you only have his side of the story. And with him being deceitful in his marriage, I’m sure HIS STORY, has more fiction than fact…more like a fable if you will. And furthermore, if you'd give her the chance, I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why she is, they way she is.

5)    Just because he spends money on you..and even spends time with you, can he take you to a restaurant? Can he take you to the movie theater? Can he take you to church? Or the family reunion? If he can, then please be advised, HE IS CHEATING ON YOU WITH HIS WIFE! That one may take a few minutes to penetrate.

6)    When it comes to sex. Let’s be honest, we’re all adults (hopefully). If he is still in the house with his wife, MORE THAN LIKELY, they are sexually active. What’s the big deal you say? Well, think about those morning kisses, or those stolen pecks in the evening… those are drenched with her! No matter what his breath smells like, you cannot GARGLE vagina from your mouth. So you may not fancy kittens, but you definitely know how to tolerate cat.  Oh! And for those of you who have surpassed the ‘condom stage’ and have unprotected sex with him..let’s just say this: He just made the both of your vaginas, sisters.  His FAMILY values were what attracted you to him, right?

7)    He may be the best lover..or the best friend…even the best provider..but what he is NOT, is yours. Many times, women will fully dedicate themselves , into these partial relationships, and they miss out on the man that can actually be available for a full time commitment.  You’ve given this married man his cake and ice cream, leaving you with nothing more than a fancy napkin. You do realize you can’t eat napkins right?

8)    Regardless of how long you’ve known him, or even slept with..even if it was BEFORE he got married….IT DOESN’T MATTER!! You will not get any rewards for being his girlfriend before he got married. THAT only proves that he didn’t see in you, what he saw in his wife, otherwise he would have married you.  And if you just so happen to be arrogant enough to say “NO, I DIDN’T WANT TO BE WITH HIM”, then check yourself, for going back to what you claim you didn’t want.

9)    From a moral standpoint, you have to know that everything comes full circle, and you will pay for everything you do, whether good or bad….whether you can afford it or not. Think of that in advance. Would you want someone throwing themselves in the middle of your marriage? Especially at a vulnerable time?  What about your children? Would you WANT to have to give them that type of talk, that explains how ‘daddy can’t come home, because _____________’? It’s a talk that no mother wants to give, and it should be a talk that no woman wants to cause. You may never understand the value of family until you build your own, and see all of the work that you’ve put into it. It is then that you realize how important marriages and families are, but by then you  two will have already broken down the home.

10)  If by chance, you were offended by anything I’ve said…don’t be, this was merely a letter to my younger self. I challenge you all to be honest and help others with your stories when they come to you in shame; don't knot their redemption in your throat. Speak on it.

 And while you're at it, check out the funny video, "Side Chicks Be Like"

Ejspeaks