Chile, the people have stormed the Federal Buildings and have made it home safely, for a nice warm bowl of porridge and beets. Isn't that phenomenal!
A part of me wonders how people can really believe that this type of behavior is really okay, but then the other part of me says "mind your business mam, this isn't your fight"
We will laugh and mock and play, because that is simply what we do, but honestly, this is disgusting to watch. The truth is, the world is forced to watch, what we all knew to be true:
The United States ain't united.
A kneeling knee is more offensive than a revolt against The American Constitution.
Black Folks would have never made it inside; would have been killed 2 streets over.
I feel like this is the perfect time to go ahead and take the Christmas Tree down.
I actually want to get a head start on cleaning and organizing my home, as well as my social media, contacts in my cell phone, and definitely my mental, physical and spiritual being.
For me, I cant find the benefits of waiting until January 1st. We often give a lot of power to dates, when, in my opinion, it becomes important, once WE DECLARE it important. You know, kinda like how your child's birthday may be on a Tuesday, but the party is Saturday, because that's when you deem it convenient to celebrate with friends and family? To me, the New Year is the same way.
Why do I need people in my phone contacts, from 3 jobs ago? Why do I need clothes in my closet that are too big, too small or too ugly? Why have I kept these things, and why would I wait until January 1 to purge? Now don't get me wrong, New Year's is only in a couple of days, so it's not like I'm getting a really big head start, but its enough time to wash the sheets and remove "my old boss" from my phone
I want to arrange my calendar(and by 'arrange' I mean actually use my calendar)
I want to organize my office.
I want to do some juicing.
And I want to balance stress a little better.(And by balance stress, I mean possibly implementing marijuana into my daily life BECAUSE WHEW!!!!!!
Enjoy your New Year's guys!!! This year has been one that will go down in history!
We all know that there is at least ONE person in the family,
WHO CAN’T COOK.
If you are that person, I need to tell you something….WE
NEED YOU!
Can you cook a dressing? Goodness no!
Can you bake a pie, that won’t give us a diarrhea? Probably
Not!
Can you be trusted to thoroughly clean meat or collard
greens? NOT A CHANCE, but guess what?
Sis, you are necessary. You are the catchall and no Family
Dinner is complete without you.You are
the dishwasher, you are the quilted, thicker picker upper! You are the ‘refill
girl’ for Big Mama and the upper echelon Aunties.You are dynamic at picking out foil- you don’t
do thin foil, YOU DO REYNOLDS HEAVY DUTY!! And you never get the flimsy paper plates,
why? Because you are a Boss! You are the one who gets the name brand soda for
the adults, and the off brand juices for the kids, and you even pitch in a few
bottles of water, why? Because you understand that some people need caffeine,
and other people need to filter their bladder. And you NEVER forget the paper towels! YOU ARE
ESSENTIAL, SIS, and Thanksgiving would be a complete train wreck without you!
And who’s to say that you even want to cook?!
Maybe you don’t want to stand over a stove all night.
Maybe you don’t wanna wash collard greens or cut up any
vegetables.
Maybe bringing paper plates is truly what your non-cooking
heart desires.
Sidenote: If you want to start cooking for the big family
dinners, start making your signature dish around Easter-but keep it at your
house-just in case it tastes like trash.
Either way, we love and appreciate you!
Check out the video and let me know which one you are,
during the holidays!
Now,
chile, it comes every year and for the most part, it’s a regular day that I do
not acknowledge. I make sure it’s hidden from Facebook-because why are you in
my business Facebook? It’s something I
never freely share on the job (we can almost omit this one, seeing as though I
haven’t had a job since the Pandemic).
I can recall coworkers wearing safety pins of dollars on the
job and thinking “okay girl, we get it, it’s your birthday, AND?” I would give
the biggest side eye when people posted their cashapps on social media for
their special days, thinking “sis, if you needed money, that’s all you had to
say”. I have a cousin who celebrates her birthday nearly the ENTIRE month of
June- and I have never understood why. Until now.
I don’t know if celebrating made me feel old-keep in mind, I’m
still in my 30’s. Many would say I’m still very young, although others may swap
out Spring Chicken for Wise Fall Goose, but whatever.Maybe it was because I felt there was no
reason to celebrate since I had not achieved my life goals, like homeownership,
writing for tv, big money, straight teeth-girl my list was all over the place!
I’m not sure if it was because I grew up in the struggle and my parents(WHEN I
SAY PARENTS, I MEAN MY MOTHER) couldn’t afford to celebrate my birthday, which
laid the foundation of me thinking that the day simply wasn’t important. Maybe it
was all of these things.
This year is different. Although I have reached many of my
goals, and the others seem so close I can smell them, I realized that life is
the gift. Life is what I should celebrate. Is my life nothing, because I don’t
have a million dollars in the bank? Is my life worthless, if I don’t have the
perfect smile or the perfect credit score? GIRL! Do you know how many broke HAPPY people
I know!? It’s not because they don’t desire nice things, but those nice things
don’t make or break their perspective on life and happiness.
Corona has come and made itself comfy, taking a few of my
family members whilst here. I have lost former co-workers to unsuspecting
deaths. I have friends that suffer from depression and anxiety, and even
classmates that are still stuck at the Homecoming, our senior year. I’m
realizing that life may never be the exact way I want it, but if it’s here, I
should feel privileged! I’m honored to
take another trip around the sun this year! I’m finally feeling like I
understand my purpose a bit better. I feel like I have a better grasp on what
really matters. I feel like it’s okay to celebrate existence. It’s okay to
celebrate health and income. I feel like it’s okay celebrate where you are in
life. And even when all of these things have reached mediocre levels, I feel
like it’s okay to celebrate nothing at all. Life really is what we make
it.My birthday has never been special, because
I never made it that way. This year, that changes. My birthday is a BIG DEAL. I
may not travel or have some huge party, but being that it is THIS WEEK (10/15),
the celebration has already started! And I may even backdoor on my prior
thinking and post my cashapp!
Celebrate your life guys! It’s the only one you’ll
get!*waits on someone to ask about reincarnation*
This year, we lost Kobe Bryant and Chadwick Boseman.
The
POTUS has corona.
And virtual learning has parents running away from home,
faster than we can make two loops around the drive thru at McDonald's for not giving us our sauce, BECAUSE WHAT AM I GONAN DIP THESE NUGGETS IN SIS?
A heck of a year right? Some of our favorite
messy shows have been condensed to computer screens- which completely RUINS a
good Maury show, and some of our favorite hosts are doing television shows from
their living room! The décor I’ve seen is nothing to write home about *being
judgmental from my couch-with crusty lips*
People don’t even recognize you with your MASS on, our lips
are chapped and most of us have lost unemployment or income due to the
pandemic!
Now before you go jumping off of a virtual bridge or hanging
up your zoom call in a digital rage, let’s TRY AND CHANGE PERSPECTIVE, K?
Since the pandemic hit *AND BABY IT’S HITTING PRETTY HARD*, I
have seen so many people finally birth out their visions and ideas that they'd been sitting on. I wanna know… HAVE YOU? Now of course there’s no pressure
to achieve anything during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC, because GIRL, who was given instructions
on how to get through this? Also, "No, I didn’t create anything because I’m
depressed, broke and not sure if I live on Earth or Neptune at this point!" is super valid.
I get it, I honestly do. But don’t let this slop bucket of a
year fool you like you can’t achieve your goals. YOU CAN. We have 87 days left
in this year. That’s longer than a 90 day trial period. Longer than the hit
show "Love Is" *ugh, I really need that show to come back!*. Longer than any one
night stand in the history of one night stands-AND YOU KNOW A LOT HAPPENS
DURING A ONE NIGHT STAND!
Most of us are home{hence you receiving this super random
blogpost from a blog that hasn’t been active in over 3 years}…it’s the perfect
time to finish that book or that blog or that business proposal or chile, just finish
your wash and go!
I’m all for a good keke or a roast of this year, but when it
comes down to it, I’m still being productive and capitalizing on my ideas, AND
I WANT THE VERY SAME FOR YOU! So…whenever you’re up for it, think about those
ideas..how can you convert them to wealth? How can you make them WORK FOR YOU?
Just think about it…no biggie in thinking about it, right?
Also, check out these awesome finds from a few BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES!
They always tell you to “Go for it!” or “Just do it!!”
Becoming an entrepreneur can be one of the hardest things in
the world to do. While it is rewarding and exciting, it is one of the scariest
things I’ve done to date- this is coming from someone who’s pushed whole humans
out of her body. Your excitement is on level 10, while your fear is on level
10.5. “Can I really do this?” you ask yourself. What if I fail? What if I make
a complete fool of myself? Can my dream and plan, really finance my needs in
life?
Encouragement is vital and warm words are always welcomed;
especially from those who’ve experienced what you are about to endure. Their
present status is inspiring. You say “If she can do it, I can do it”. They make
it look so easy. From make-up artists, to comedians, to painters, and event
planners, these people are literally living off of their dream! How could you
not be inspired to at least try?
The problem comes when you actually decide to do it. No one
tells you that your anxiety levels burst. No one tells you that ‘friends &
family’ DON’T EQUATE TO CUSTOMERS/SUPPORT.
They don’t tell you that you may have to lose everything, just to get
where you’re trying to be. They never mention the fact that becoming and entrepreneur, is
the craziest thing that someone could ever do!
So you would really sacrifice a bi-weekly paycheck, for and
uncertain pay day, with an uncertain amount? What if no one buys? What if no
one supports? How am I gonna feed my family?!
As a self-published author, here are a few tips I've learned along the way.
DO
YOUR BEST: After all that’s really all you can do. Always put your best
foot forward and know that your work is not in vain. When you do your best, it
will attract the right type of people
BE
CONSISTENT: How
can you expect a profit or a good return, or even support from people if you’re
not consistent? One day you do hair, but because no one booked you today, you
give up and quit. Once you gain your confidence back, you’re magically a
hairstylist again.It doesn’t work this
way. Although things may get hard or discouraging, you have to remain planted
in your purpose. If you are an entrepreneur, then BE AN ENTREPRENEUR every day
of your life. Your persistence and consistency will take you farther than you
know.
FOCUS
ON THOSE WHO SUPPORT YOU, NOT THOSE WHO DON’T: This step is easier said than done! You will
have friends and even close family members who will not support you. You will
have people that pledge their support, but will not follow through. It is
tempting not to say “Aye, I thought you were gonna support me?!” Especially
when these people are near and dear to your heart. Word of advice: FAMILY &
FRIENDS DO NOT TRANSLATE TO CUSTOMERS!
They just don’t. It’s hard not to take it personal, but try to focus on
those that actually take the time to support you. Be thankful for them; appreciate
them. No need to waste energy on people who will not help you grow.
STAY IN YOUR LANE & FOCUS ON YOUR
OWN JOURNEY: Some people will achieve success BEFORE you, QUICKER than
you; this happens more than not. IT IS OKAY. Stay in the game. Your journey
will not be the same as some people- it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes people
can focus so much on other people that can’t even focus or invest into their
own dream. You can’t sell your bouquets
from keeping up with the florist down the street. That’s never gonna increase
your revenue or clientele. Focus on you,
because you’re awesome!
QUALITY OVER QUANTITY: In this
world of social media, it’s hard not to try and keep up with your peers..their
followers, their likes and shares. You see them produce something weekly, and
suddenly you feel the need to do the same. The problem comes when you realize,
YOU ARE NOT THEM. What may be a successful formula for someone else, may be
horrible for you. Internationally known singer, Sade ONLY creates an album,
when she has something to say. Imagine if she competed with other artists! It’s
quite possible that her albums would be empty, with no substance, because ‘she
just needed to put out an album’. Create the best, not the most. Don’t water
your work down, in order to stretch it to the length of other’s work. It’s not
worth it.
Have you ever found yourself too comfortable to grow? I think at some point, we all have. Destiny,
sometimes, seems too big to obtain, and at times too far to reach; at least
without a little help. We hide in our 9-5’s, we get comfy in stagnant
relationships, and at times, our gifts wither away.
I am finding that God, or the universe, (or whoever YOU call
this higher power), will sometimes FORCE us into destiny, because if we continue
at our own pace, we will never get there.
Reflect on your life. Are there any instances where you can say “I didn’t
succeed in this, until I failed at that”? Maybe you lost a job, maybe
you lost a possession, dealt with eviction..and it wasn’t until you were forced
to be broken at the bottom, that you were able to trek to the top. Maybe there is opportunity in opposition. I
have heard plenty of entrepreneurs say that they would have never committed
themselves fully to their craft, if they hadn’t been faced with some type of
opposition. Which in turn, worked out..in the end. In the middle of a thing, it is hard to see a
happy ending. So we rarely see the good
in anything that makes us feel bad.
Maybe we should change our perspectives on what we call
opposition or pain. Maybe these hard times are nothing but canals to the
better. More less, they are routes to the front yard of destiny. So before you spend any more time, wallowing or
grieving for the place in which you were comfortable, perhaps you should take
this time to see the hidden opportunity within the pain. Newly divorced? This could be the perfect
time to go back to school, like you always said you wanted to do. Recently
fired? This could be the time you need, to perfect your craft and present it to
the world. Evicted? Maybe this is exactly what you needed, to relocate…to leave
that dead place.. or that dead relationship.
I’m not saying we can’t feel, or experience pain. You should
always allow yourself to feel. What I suggest is that above the loud sounds of weeping, resentment and pain, you try to hear what the future could be saying.. and step, accordingly.
Hopefully
you’ve learned by now, that you can’t please everyone. You can rock your fur,
but then PETA would be pissed. You can rock your plus sized halter top, but
then someone would complain that one of your stomachs wasn’t tucked in (insert
angry emoji here__________). You can do your comedy, but then someone would
complain about the sex joke. You could rock your natural hair, but then someone
would insist that “natural ain’t for everybody”.
I have never
understood why people felt the need to always voice their opinions; especially
the negative ones. Just because you
think it, doesn’t mean you speak it. I
keep a lot of my thoughts to myself…hence the migraines, I guess.
You can
shape your life around what you think may please everyone…your religion, your
style of dress, the language you use, and there will still be someone with
something to say! I have seen the most seemingly pure people be criticized for
the most miniscule things like their finger nail polish, or their favorite
song. I have seen people who never bothered anyone, be bashed for simply ‘doing
their own thing’. WHERE DO THESE CRITICS
COME FROM? Most of the time, they come
from behind a keyboard. You’d think they have such expertise in, well
everything- fashion, hair, religion, life, sex, money, beauty, culture. When
really, a lot of them just excel in typing (not to be construed as grammar, we’ve
all seen the errors).
The sad part
is, a lot of us will edit who we really are, in an effort to be accepted by
people who have no intention on accepting us anyway. Some people just don’t like you. Period. If
you lost 10 pounds, converted religions, dyed your hair, and learned how to
play 2 more instruments, SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, WOULD STILL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
Do you know
that no matter what you do, or how you do it, there will always be an itchy
scalp, velcro strap shoe wearing, chapped lipped critic somewhere near? It’s true! So before you photoshop the real you, in an
attempt to gain acceptance, or to quiet down the naysayers, how about you just
do you? Yes, there will be critics and haters, but it comes with the territory.
What doesn’t come with the territory, is a watered down version of yourself,
who’s afraid to step on the toes, of people who could care less about your feet
anyway…..
Sometimes,
we find everything that is wrong with the world; our perception has always been
tainted-something has always be missing.
Sometimes, we are offended by
happiness and completion. It is uncomfortable, for it is new. It is not what we
are accustomed to, and depending on how foreign it is to us, we may even chase
it away. How dare contentment come in and rearrange the furniture of pain…take
down the photos of bitterness, as though they were not beautifully hung?
Sometimes, our hearts are revolving
doors for the men who hurt us. We yearn for the first one, that left, to stay. And because
he doesn’t, oftentimes, the pattern of ‘ins and outs’ begins. I wonder ‘does he
care that he’s created this cycle?”
Sometimes, at random, the tears
fall, without provocation. It’s him, again. The little girl inside, has yet to gain
peace, because there really are no answers to satisfy the hunger that starves
to eat clarity. And it hits us while we are driving on the highway..or while we
are watching television..or even while we are changing our child’s diaper. The
pain never really goes away. It just goes to sleep, and you hope that this time…this
nap…this rest..that someone slipped it a drug to cause a heavy coma, just to
get through a few good years without feeling weak, for still loving a man, who
didn’t choose you.
Sometimes, we have to choose
mind over matter. We have to make conscious decisions to hold feelings hostage.. to protect the ones we love. It is done
to ensure that the cycle ceases. If the tears were to constantly break free, seeping
in front of our children, they would only drown- claiming yet, more lives. If the
tears, were to constantly break free, bursting in front of our husbands, our
protectors, then they would only sink in the mud. We cannot hold people accountable
to fix, that which they’ve not been equipped to repair. Doctors cannot repair motors. Husbands cannot
repair daddy issues.
Sometimes, we are so numb to the pain, we seek out the
replicas. We imitate the very scene that caused our hearts to break. And sometimes, we are so resilient,that we avoid it at all costs. And sometimes, our closure comes in seeing our
children raised by good men. The good men..they are out there. They don't look like
our fathers, they don't smell like our fathers, they laugh deeply...their presence is heavy, and they stay. You hear them daily. They walk the
floors in the morning. They lock the doors at night. They look stern, when necessary..and they’re
love is never debatable. And our closure, slowly creeps through.
We are by no means victims, sometimes, we just need to set
ourselves free.
I think
it’s pretty fair to say that we’ve all been hurt, one way or another. Maybe
betrayed in a relationship, or stabbed in the back by a coworker. And because
pain has no restrictions, some of us have even been hurt by family and loved
ones.
Surely I am not the only one who became so comfortable in my
resentment and anger that I deemed it a part of my daily attire.I have held on to things as though my life
depended on it. If you hurt me, I withdraw. No explanation needed, no
confrontation required- just an immediate shut down..never to open again,
because YOU hurt ME.I am learning that
this type of behavior hurts me more than anyone.When you remain angry.. or even hurt.. you
constantly remind tread through the situation. You are constantly declaring
yourself “victim”.Are you no more than
that?Is your entire being, solely based
on what others have done to you? I have met people who tell the same story of
hurt and humiliation.. some from over 10 years ago. Why? Why take up valuable
mental space and even heart space to ensure that a toxic emotion, correlated
with a traumatic event, remain ever present? Is that same space not worth
swapping out for a positive?For love?
For light?
There is a major difference between remembering, and never
forgetting.
You have to be aware of your true power. True power is not passively
dealing with pain, and pretending to be okay. True power is not retaliating
(said the woman who keyed her cheating boyfriend’s car.. BUT that was over 10
years ago-
the woman I am now, is smart enough to just put sugar in the gas tank-I
KID------>>>
I FREAKING KID!!). True power is not housing toxicity in your own temple,
because of the actions of others. True power is accepting the hurt-whatever it
may be..and whomever may have done it. True power is dealing with your pain and
your anger, and being wise enough to render an eviction notice, when these same
feelings have stayed beyond a visit, and have taken residence in your temple.
No, you shouldn’t ever ‘hurry up and get over it’.And no, you shouldn’t ever deny to yourself,
that someone has wronged you. Take your time. Be honest with yourself, and deal
with you real feelings. Don’t let them deal with you.How long will you say “He cheated on me six
years ago.” Or “she lied on me last year”. How long will the actions of others,
be the storyline of your life?Yes they
hurt you. But at some point, you must be accountable as well, for your constant
self-victimization.
When it is time, let the situation go, and if need be, let
the people go just the same. And understand that some people will never apologize.
Some people will never admit their wrongs, but you have to navigate through
life, as though they have. You owe yourself peace, if nothing else. Once
you have truly dealt with your feelings, and are determined to move on, then
leave those emotions..that situation..and even that person on Memory Lane. And be careful how often you visit.
It has been my personal experience.. when I dwell on Memory Lane for too long, I always end
up on Remember To be Broken Avenue; and it’s a rough neighborhood. I could never justify revisiting a place like that..so now, I tend to stay on the safer part of town.
Let’s be logical. When you take the
time out to buy a gift for a loved one, you make sure it’s special. You make
sure it fits their character…their personality. You’ve studied them, watched them
evolve and have figured out the perfect gift to present to them.You’ve saved money for this extra special
gift. You’ve made certain to keep it in appropriate conditions until the time
is right.You’ve kept it away from
people who would harm it, or even uncover its existence before the right time.After
all of this preparation, the only thing left to do is present it, in the right
sized box.Of course you always check
out the cheaper boxes…after all, the box isn’t as half as important as the
gift, right?All of the cheaper boxes
are either too small, or not strong enough to hold this special gift. Up until
now, cheaper boxes have always been the “go to” route…everyone in your family uses
the cheaper boxes. So you follow the trend, and purchase the cheaper box.
You find contentment in the money you saved, and hurry home
to complete the last step of gifting.You go to that secret place that has hidden your special gift, carefully
pull it out, and place it in the traditional, cheap box. The box, though wide
enough to hold the bottom surface of this special gift, is not big enough to
actually contain it.This is so odd,
considering that every other gift has fit perfectly in the cheaper boxes; your
mom’s gifts…your dad’s gifts… every gift, a sure fit. But now..your special
gift, cannot rely on the measurements of what sustained gifts from the
past.Your special gift cannot rely on
the height nor width of the traditional boxes to protect it or cover it.No matter how you position this gift, it will
not fit. You move it to the left…try for the right…you even opt to lay it down
inside the traditional box, but nevertheless, the gift just won’t fit. You
notice the special gift laying there..the grooves in the exterior, the polished
ends…. in a box that wasn’t even created to hold such a gift. This gift is
extravagant..this gift is special, and has now been placed in nothing more than
processed paper.
Let’s leave logic. So many of us, hold home dear to our
hearts. Home should be sacred…it should be a place where one can be human and
imperfect and still receive love. But the truth is, for a lot of people, your
gift…your dream.. cannot fit into the traditional circumference of home. And as
awkward as it may feel, you can’t keep stuffing your gigantic gift into a cheap
traditional box, just because it was sufficient space for everyone else in your
family. Sometimes, your gift is just too
big for tradition, and truth be told, a move…a different space…..a different
setting… at some point, is going to be necessary if you want to protect your
gift.
Unfortunately, home can be the very crime scene, where your
gift is murdered. And discouragement and doubt often come from the mouths of
family and friends. Analyze your gift and your surroundings….is the atmosphere
conducive…is it beneficial to your gift? Can you grow? Or have you grown stagnant because the ‘box’ is
ill equipped to hold you? Sometimes you gotta leave home, and the guilt that
comes with growth won’t kill you. You know for yourself, that you are gifted,
just as well as you know …that in order to grow, sometimes you gotta go. You
have to bid home, aka the comfort zone, farewell; the very life of your dream
is depending on it.
Ejspeaks
p.s. Just in case you have a hard time understanding the message, check out fellow youtuber, Kevonstage, here:
It is often that people warn you of burning the bridges you may need to cross again. This is all too true, but there are a few things that should be included as well. Bridges are made to cross over water, but when the water has dried up and the other side of the bridge leads to nowhere, then what?
This is not an “everybody can’t go where you’re going” sermon. This is about honesty and time preservation. The truth is, even though the smoke irritates your skin, and the flames cause your eyes to water, the bridge is better off burning. Did it really lead to anything positive? Better? Oftentimes, we search for function, in dysfunctional places. We think that because we love with our all, that people will love us, in the same proportion. We become angry, because we will take shirts off of our backs for the people we love, and they won’t even acknowledge that we are naked. This is not about how people treat you, but also how you treat other people. It aggravates me to no end, when a man complains about his partner not trusting him. He calls them petty and insecure. But he never mentions how he cheated on her, and in doing so, made her feel that she was not worthy of a faithful man. So many times, we focus on them and overlook the part we play. Some of us throw gasoline, and then hide our hands, as though we had no part in the bridge catching fire. And bridges that have burned are only an indication that we should not go back. If you have cheated on your mate 52 times, you should burn the bridge, as it will correlate with the sensation you feel while urinating. And for you to have cheated that many times, the bridges’ wood, was already dead.
Some of us are stuck in relationships because we would rather stay in a dormant imitation of love than admit to our mother that we need to come back home. So you stay… sleeping in separate rooms, on a dead bridge. Some of us are stuck in relationships, because we’re related. Pushed with guilt because “blood is thicker than water”, when in reality, NO ONE CLEANS ANYTHING WITH BLOOD, it’s always water. So we stay, constantly supplying blood to leeches, on a dead bridge. Some of us are in volatile relationships because our parents were in volatile relationships, and it is the only display of love that we’ve ever seen. So we stay… bruised faces and swollen eyes, that refuse to see the truth anyway… on a dead bridge. Some are walking back and forth on the spoiled wood of a bridge called employment. You are not going anywhere, nor are you growing anywhere. You are merely going through the motions, of work. And for some reason you refuse to burn the bridge.
Bridges are meant to be crossed, and most certainly some of them will be used more than once. But if you see the wood has soiled, and the termites have thrown their weight, why do you insist on being connected to a rotting bridge, especially if, even the water has disconnected itself? The water, with no heart or mind, knows to dry up, where there is no activity..no motion..no growth..no nothing. So why can’t we? There are some relationships, for which I keep a fire extinguisher on hand. My marriage is one of them. My relationship with my mother is another. But there are definitely others for which, in the past..I smelled the smoke, and quickly put out the small fire.
I am realizing more and more, that every relationship, whether family, friends, or co-workers does not have to be salvaged. Not every relationship should be stretched out for so long. Some of us knew after 3 months of dating that he was a notorious alcoholic ..but we stretched it out. Now, ten years later, we can’t understand why our children hate us and we are so miserable. We keep getting jobs that are nowhere near our dream career, and wonder why we hate our co-workers. A lot of us sit in the parking lot for several minutes before we even go in, to work, it’s JUST THAT BAD.
In most situations, it is because we have voluntarily decided to be firemen, when we should have just been a witness to the blaze. So the next time, you smell smoke on the bridge, take a moment to think and be honest with yourself. Don’t just put out the fire, because you don’t want the world to walk passed you and smell smoke. Don’t put it out because you don’t want passersby to see the flames. Or you don’t want the neighbors whispering about the residual soot. Put it out because the bridge is worth it. Put it out because the bridge is steady and stable. And it leads somewhere. And if it doesn’t, then I advise you to put on Usher’s Confession Cd, and take notes. Let it burn.
1.Dylan
Roof. To say that I’m upset about 9 black people being murdered during a
prayer service, would indeed be an understatement. But to add piss to the
wound, it seems that White Supremacy America has not only embraced his actions,
but cradled him and his family in “their time of suffering, because THEY are
victims too (INSERT THE DUMBEST FACE THAT YOU HAVE, HERE______)”. There are
not enough blog entries and tweets or facebook posts to truly express my
frustrations...I could go on and on about white supremacy and systemic racism, but honestly, I'm tired. I could post memes that depict the blatant differences
of when a white person is the criminal vs. when a black person is the criminal,
but what good would it do to a generation with no hands? We eat whatever is fed
to us..never taking the time to stir up the food, or dissect the mashed
potatoes, or lift up the the bun before eating it. We just consume whatever the
media feeds us, and we become full…even engorged at times with lopsided
journalism baked on a racist pan, in a slavemasters stove, but hey..its supper
right? And furthermore, I feel that there should be additional charges filed....for that haircut.
2.Rachael
Dolezal. I’m not even sure what I feel about this woman. I just know that
she’s helped the black community way more than I have and there’s a paper trail
to prove it. I do believe however, that
she could have done the same good deeds as her own beige, Caucasian self. But she chose her race by whatever was convenient for the situation. OH HOW BLESSED AND MULTIRACIAL SHE IS!!! Black
women don’t need replacements, we need mics and ears. People always assume that
we are angry. Oh how contrary! We speak loudly because no one hardly pays
attention when we whisper respectfully.But on a lighter note, anyone who can sit for 4-10 hours just to get box
braids on bone straight hair……….well let’s just say that, along with volunteer
hours and advocacy and time, she also sacrificed those edges. Chile.
3.Brucelin
Jenner, AKA Mutha Caitlyn. I still can’t understand why this made the news.
And yes, I’m slightly jealous and biased, being that Caitlyn has boobs, but not
a menstrual!!!
And the confusion of honoring Bruce for
spending thousands of dollars (whether sponsored or not) to surgically remove
one of God’s greatest gifts, and then badgering Rachael for going the cheaper
route and spending $30 on a synthetic kinky wig and $11 on some bronzer just
puzzles me. DEEPLY. Either way, what
someone does with their body should be a private matter.And if I’m not mistaking…I don’t remember Star
Jones getting the cover of Essence after those staples. J Not only that, there were so many
more stories that should have been publicized! Did you know that the Hot N Spicy
McChicken Sandwich is NOT sold at every McDonalds!? Clearly the media doesn’t
report REAL NEWS!
4.SOCIAL
MEDIA. The fact that the world is practically crumbling with racism,
hatred, twisted religions and horrible contouring, AND WE CAN STILL share fight
videos, crack head videos, kiddie twerk videos and awful emotional posts decorated
with erroneous grammar and hashtags is depressing. I take long breaks away from social media. The
consumption with everyone’s thoughts can be quite overwhelming….All of the
subliminal posts, racially charged ignorance,stereotypical comedy and even
cracked windows to infidelity are just too much. I often think of all that
Martin Luther King and so many others achieved WITHOUT social media…le sigh. I
wish we did more living and less scrolling.
5.CITIZENSHIP.
Neptune, a place without racism and hatred, because everyone is purple of
course. And because there is no wi-fi there, social media and all of the stories
that come with it are just not accessible. This is in addition to the gas and groceries
being much more cheaper in Neptune than on Earth; like...even cheaper than Rachael
Dolezal’s wig. #winning
For Booking Inquiries for Stand-Up, Spoken Word or Motivational Speaking,
I think the worst part about being chosen to reach the
masses, whether through the arts or teaching or any other field, is that you
find yourself giving to others..to the point that when they are all filled at
capacity with swollen bellies, yet to digest all that you have bestowed, you
sit there starving. “Who will feed me?” you wonder. “Who will pour into me, now
that my vase is dry?” you ask adamantly.I have found myself in the storms of many people, lending an umbrella,
dusting off my rain boots for them, and even scavenging for plastic bags for
their hair. Yet when it is my storm approaching with no concern for my
preparation, help is scarce. How is it that we can encourage others, but cannot
encourage our own selves at times? Even on the physical side, how is it that we
will give or loan our last $20, but will not spend that same amount on
ourselves? I cannot, for the life of me, understand this type of mindset, nor
this type of unconditional ‘turning’ for others.
Always turning for others but
being too tired to rotate for ourselves. Is it selfish to ignore the calls of
friends, who haven’t gotten their lives together? Or the friend with
relationship trouble?Is it wrong to
deny a relative money, when they have the same type of able body that you
have?I think the most frustrating thing
about it, is this: Sometimes, people bombard you to the point that there is no
room to hurt..no room to feel..no room to experience hardship, because they
have created this image of you that is supported, every single time you pray
for them, or give them sound advice, or even loan them money. But what about
you? After you have given all of these beloved words of encouragement, not even
leaving any for you….who will give it back? After you have been an ear for the
pettiest to the most offensive situations, who will be an ear to you? And after
you have loaned out your last dime, with no money for the simplest item, who
will finance just a moment of your struggle?
The sad part about all of this, is that likely, no one will
come to your rescue when your life is a conceived twin of perfection. And though it
couldn’t be more far from the truth, you will never alter the giver inside of
you. Teachers who teach students that refuse to learn, still come back and
teach…every single day. Parents, with an undeniable love, still raise children,
who’ve already given up on themselves. And when people proclaim to pay you back
on (insert false date her, because they never pay you back), you still,
some way..find a way to still help others.I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I do know that
a car must run on gas (omit electric cars, here). So while you are transporting
others and all their baggage, remember to save some gas for yourself. Don't forget to remember you. Keep yourself first sometimes, its not a crime, its actually vital in balance. The
principal is quite simple,
Be good to________, and __________ will be good to you.
Here's one minute of motivation.....depending on how fast you can read.
How many
bricks will you lay, building another man’s vision? How long will you set the
foundation to someone else’s dream, all while the blueprint to your own dream
remains unattended?Fear would have you
to think, you are more successful as a co-star. More prosperous as a Side-Kick,
but how long will you ignore the fire that burns within? You have been given
gifts and talents to do, the very thing that consumes your mind so much.How about doing it? There are 24 hours in a
day, dedicate one to your own future. One hour to water what has been thirsting
for growth, one hour to a childhood dream that has been pulling at your
coattail for years. One hour, to a vision that has been blurred by people who
refuse to see you for the trailblazer you are. One hour, to the yearning that
sits in the pit of your stomach, hungry for fruition and destiny. It is now
time to make it your time!
Ejspeaks
disclaimer: Author is not responsible if reader cannot finish reading paragraph in one minute. No time-refunds will be issued.
A few nights ago, we were having a youth service at our
church. The church, as always was full of children…with their rocking ..and
shaking …singing ..and dancing. They were in a familiar place. I have
experienced the worst type of church hurt, and as a result, my husband and I
withdrew from ministry completely; for three years to be exact. As the scars
began to heal, and the pain began to fade, I realized that we were robbing our
children, of such a vital and free foundation that imprinted upon our very own
upbringings. I couldn’t possibly rob them of that. We joined church and the
children have loved every minute of it. They loved it so much, that on this particular
night, our four year old, just a pew behind us, was busy talking and laughing
as though he were catching up with old friends..as though he were remembering the
good old days. My husband, turned quietly, “Shhhhhhh”, with one finger over his
lips. Our son obeyed-but only for a moment. As soon as the music started again,
his lips were busy and his laughs were bold. He and his friends were too
tickled to be quiet. I gave him that stern mother’s look…and a part of him
really seemed to want to cooperate, but again…these laughs just kept bursting
out into the sanctuary. Just as I was about to move him on the pew with us. An
older lady, on the pew behind these tickled children, picked my son up..just
enough to scoot him, and she whispered in his ears. Immediately, the entire pew
was muted.
Initially, I went into “Monster Mommy Mode”. “Who is this
woman? And what kind of liquor is she drinking? Nobody messes…no, NOBODY
TOUCHES MY CHILDREN!” All of these thoughts were running freely in my head, and
I’m positive they showed on my face as well. I had never seen this lady before
in my life! Who is she?! I think all mothers have a defense zone with a primary
duty to protect our children, and anything that goes against that, well..
obviously creates a MAJOR PROBLEM!
But I sat still and I wondered, but isn’t that what we all
need? A support system? Nurturing hands? Wisdom? I couldn’t confront this
woman, and felt awful that she saw the face I made. A few minutes passed. I
went to the restroom, and on the way back, she stopped me. “I’m sorry, for
making you mad, all I told him was to sit back like a big boy and be verrrryyy
quiet”. Conviction swallowed me whole. I
felt AWFUL! The fact that my face…even my behavior, would force an elder to
apologize to me, for doing just what elders should do made me cringe. I told her “With all due respect, I am sorry.
I realize that this is what’s wrong with my generation now, we have no respect.
We have no fear of the elders. But we
need you and I thank you for being just what you are”. The tears welled up in
her eyes, and she gave me a smile that let me know my apology was accepted.
I walked back to my seat so
curious. Puzzled, I wondered, where were all the Big Mamas?There used to be a time, where Big Mamas were
everywhere! The grandmothers.. clothed in wisdom, scented like buttermilk and
equipped with fly swatters and switches. Where were the Big Mamas that were
ready to kill your parents when they found out you hadn’t eaten…or the Big
Mamas that would whoop you quick, but would never tell your parents you
misbehaved. Where are they? Where are the Big Mamas who kept the children for
the summer and never expected anything in return..the Big Mamas who heard
random babies crying and could never resist the urge to pull out a piece of peppermint
or the penny candy to quiet down “that sweet lil angel”? You could hear her
voice from anywhere, once she heard one of her grandbabies cry, “WHAT’S WRONG
WITH HIM!!!??”. And she would quickly
let your parents know that she wasn’t impressed with them either. “Hold that baby
head up”, “Don’t lay him on his stomach!”, and she would save you from a whooping,
every chance she got. Where is she? With
opened arms and opened hearts to every child she would see… the Big Mamas that
got angry with the people on tv, for running RIGHT INTO THE KILLER, “Go the
other way fool!”. Where are they now? Are they all partying? Back in college?
Somewhere trying to get their groove back? Too busy working? Or have we ruined their legacy by having
babies so young? Have we pushed them away because ‘we know it all anyway’?
Where are the Big Mamas? Sitting on the porch, waving at every car that drove
by…sipping on her sweet tea or even sugar water. She was so content being Big
Mama. Where on Earth did she go? Doesn’t she know we need her? Doesn’t she know
how valuable she is to our culture? Or children? Our memories? Where is Big Mama?
Have you ever found yourself going in
circles with your Ex?You break up JUST
to make up, and then turn around and make up again. You go through the repetitious
trouble of packing ALL of your things, just to UNPACK them two days later. You
want to leave, but don’t know how to leave, or more accurately, you don’t know
how to stay gone. Here’s what you should do:
·Keep a
Record. Basically, become petty. Keep an active log of everything
this person has done to you, whether in the past or the present. This would
include cheating, abuse, and farting in front of company. Write everything
down! Remember when he was late picking you up from work- IN YOUR CAR- write it
down! What about the time you checked his phone and saw the peenpic (no need to
use imagination, you know exactly what a peenpic is) that he sent to his “Aunt
Judy”, which really wasn’t his Aunt Judy, but more like Big Booty Judy from the
other side of town. Remember? WRITE IT DOWN! The time he called you fat, or
pointed out your stretch marks, the time you found earrings in his back seat,
that couldn’t have possibly been yours, because you’re allergic to silver and
these weren’t even sterling silver, oh no, these were practically made from
foil. WRITE IT DOWN! Remember the time
you caught an std? And by “caught” I mean, he GAVE it to you-WRITE IT DOWN! You
are not writing it down to throw in his face, you are writing it down to throw
in your own face! You keep going back,
whether for convenience or love. Truth is, if you reflect on your list you’ll
realize why you left, and perhaps you’ll realize why you can’t go back. Oh you’re
lonely? Horny? Grab the list!
·Get Back To
You. Who are you, if you’re not his girlfriend? So many times, we
get in relationships, and instantly mesh ourselves with this person. So much
so, that we forget our sense of individuality. You stopped eating potatoes,
because he doesn’t like potatoes. You stop drinking milk, because when he was
younger, his family couldn’t afford milk, only sugar water..so by the time they
finally could afford milk, he hated it…too accustomed to the sugar water. So
guess what? You now have an absurd amount of dental decay because you too use
sugar water INSTEAD OF MILK. You hang out in his circles, you listen to his
favorite music; basically becoming a version of him. SO when the relationship
is over, you are completely lost. Find yourself, get back to the person you
were before this relationship stole you.Take some time and remember who you were. You are still your own person,
make it sure it stays that way.
·Be Honest. I’m
not sure why, but we always try to save face. We never want to admit when a
relationship has failed. Either way, be honest, especially with yourself. If
you’re in an abusive relationship, be honest about that. Now, that’s not to say
you should post it on social media, but you should definitely be honest with
your close circle of loved ones. This is beneficial in many ways. Here’s an
example: He punches you, and swells your eye. You tell your beloved sister, you
both have a verbal fit and you move on…here’s where it gets beneficial. You’ve
moved on from the raccoon eye episode and are thinking of going back. Well,
when you tell this beloved sister your plans, and she responds with “Sooooo,
you still insist on getting these exclusive eye treatments?” or “Hey! When he
swells your eye this time, do you think I can hide all my assets in them? The
IRS is getting too nosey?”, I’m sure you’ll reconsider your intentions.
·Stop having
SEX!!!! Regardless of how enjoyable sex may be, it cannot
be the foundation of a relationship.Having sex with someone YOU KNOW is not good for you, only clouds your judgment
and delays the process of moving on. Even if it’s the best you’ve ever had,
having sex with him, won’t change anything…except your hair…depending on where
the sex takes place. And under no circumstance can penis take the place of respect, income or love, nor can it take the swelling off of an abused rib. STOP HAVING SEX! If you can keep him out of your body, then you can keep
him out of your mind. Now, getting him out of your heart may take a little
longer, but the first two are definitely vital AND necessary in moving on.
·RUN!!If
all else fails, RUN! Run when you see him. Run when you see his brother at the
gas station. Run when you see his sister at the red light (Please be advised that
author is not responsible for any vehicular accident or damage, when you run
said light). Run when they play “your song” in the club, even if it means you scuff
up those JUSTFAB heels, just run! Run to church!! Run to the altar (if your
body is made like Big Booty Judy, just walk to the altar…no need to disrupt
service)! JUST RUN!!! Out of sight, out
of mind. If you don’t see him, or anything that reminds you of him, then the
days will get easier.
·HONORABLE
MENTIONS (drastic times, call for drastic measures)
Sleep with his Uncle> the one with the
deformed leg. He’ll never want you again
Become a NUN. Don’t give NUN, Don’t kiss
NUN>> NUN
Change your phone number
Change your Facebook name to Catherine McFeezlederry,
and then block him!
Leave town! For some, it’s that serious. Oh, and
don’t forget to pack The List!
1)The truth is, although no one makes
him feel the way you do, he more than likely will NEVER leave his wife…at least
not for you anyway. She knows his secrets, she knows his weaknesses, and most
importantly, she knows his social security number.
2)Although you may feel superior to
her, because you wear lingerie for him and she doesn’t..Truth is, if he WERE
your husband, there’s a good chance that after catering to the house, the
children AND him, lingerie could very well be last on the list. So odds are, if you ever
trade places with her, most days, you’ll be wearing granny panties as well.
3)It’s really not all its hyped up to
be. I’m not sure if Scandal or Mary Jane is to blame, but there is nothing
fascinating about ducking and dodging a man’s wife, or constantly being referred
to as ‘my friend’. And I have yet to realize what is so sexy about discovering
your name programmed in his phone as “Frank”.
4)After you’re done critiquing
her..after you’re done judging her…how she doesn’t primp enough..how she doesn’t
cook enough…how she doesn’t listen to him….how she just doesn’t understand his needs
like you do, Please understand that you only have his side of the story. And
with him being deceitful in his marriage, I’m sure HIS STORY, has more fiction
than fact…more like a fable if you will. And furthermore, if you'd give her the chance, I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why she is, they way she is.
5)Just because he spends money on you..and
even spends time with you, can he take you to a restaurant? Can he take you to
the movie theater? Can he take you to church? Or the family reunion? If he can,
then please be advised, HE IS CHEATING ON YOU WITH HIS WIFE! That one may take
a few minutes to penetrate.
6)When it comes to sex. Let’s be
honest, we’re all adults (hopefully). If he is still in the house with his
wife, MORE THAN LIKELY, they are sexually active. What’s the big deal you say?
Well, think about those morning kisses, or those stolen pecks in the evening…
those are drenched with her! No matter what his breath smells like, you cannot
GARGLE vagina from your mouth. So you may not fancy kittens, but you definitely
know how to tolerate cat.Oh! And for
those of you who have surpassed the ‘condom stage’ and have unprotected sex
with him..let’s just say this: He just made the both of your vaginas, sisters. His FAMILY values were what attracted you to him, right?
7)He may be the best lover..or the best
friend…even the best provider..but what he is NOT, is yours. Many times, women
will fully dedicate themselves , into these partial relationships, and they
miss out on the man that can actually be available for a full time commitment. You’ve given this married man his cake and ice
cream, leaving you with nothing more than a fancy napkin. You do realize you
can’t eat napkins right?
8)Regardless of how long you’ve known
him, or even slept with..even if it was BEFORE he got married….IT DOESN’T
MATTER!! You will not get any rewards for being his girlfriend before he got
married. THAT only proves that he didn’t see in you, what he saw in his wife,
otherwise he would have married you.And
if you just so happen to be arrogant enough to say “NO, I DIDN’T WANT TO BE
WITH HIM”, then check yourself, for going back to what you claim you didn’t
want.
9)From a moral standpoint,
you have to know that everything comes full circle, and you will pay for
everything you do, whether good or bad….whether you can afford it or not. Think
of that in advance. Would you want someone throwing themselves in the middle of
your marriage? Especially at a vulnerable time? What about your children? Would you WANT to
have to give them that type of talk, that explains how ‘daddy can’t come home,
because _____________’? It’s a talk that no mother wants to give, and it should
be a talk that no woman wants to cause. You may never understand the value of
family until you build your own, and see all of the work that you’ve put into
it. It is then that you realize how important marriages and families are, but
by then you two will have already broken down the home.
10)If
by chance, you were offended by anything I’ve said…don’t be, thiswas merely a letter to my younger self. I challenge you all to be honest and help others with your stories when they come to you in shame; don't knot their redemption in your throat. Speak on it.
And while you're at it, check out the funny video, "Side Chicks Be Like" Ejspeaks
